At braking point….

given the debarcle with the crankshaft, I used the rest of the day to fit the   OBP pedal box. Its a nice piece of kit but as the master cylinders are the other side of the bulkhead 38mm holes have to be drilled and there not much clearance between the master cylinder body hole and the mounting points..

IMG_7851

You can see the problem in the above picture. My drilling is about as accurate as a Jeremy Corbyn manifesto, so I needed and ingenious solution.

Its easy to line the pedal box up and drill the mountings, using and 8.5mm bit to mark the centre and then pilot drill before going full size. I did thin and bolted the box in place.

Next I’ll need a hole saw, as opposed to a sore hole (I miss  Janet and John )

Next came a rare flash of inspiration which might be of use to others, so here goes. The hole diameter required is 38mm, so with a 38 mm hole saw I drilled a pick of 25mm timber.

IMG_7852

I carefully prised the slug out of the hole saw. The slug is smaller than 38mm so I wrapped gaffer tape around it until it was back to the correct size

IMG_7853

I then used it as a guide to mark the centre of the master cylinder hole.

IMG_7854

Pilot grill through the centre, and hey presto…

IMG_7855

Next the fairly simple job of adding the master cylinders, set to 50/50 for the brakes front to rear.

The brakes will be treated to all new lines, but that’s a job for another day.

Rage against the Machine (shop)

Engine rebuild day dawned, finally all the little bits in the garage would become one big bit, or at least that was the plan.

Block mounted on the engine stand, old shells in place, crank positioned

IMG_7834

So, time to attack the dreaded….

e type rope seal

The rope seals had been soaking in premium engine oil for two days….

IMG_7837

The two seal holders were clean, and we were ready for the off. I added an inch of gasket sealer to the leading edge of the holder (when viewed from the rear the crank spins anticlockwise)

IMG_7839

Then it was time for the dreaded rolling, I used a hammer shaft and starting at the centre worked the seal into the slot moving outwards. This took about 20 minutes and all looked good.

I used a stanley blade to shave off the excess and then clamped it to the crank.

IMG_7844

BUGGER, it way just too tight. I took the two halves apart and then lightly hammered the hammer shaft I’d used to roll the seal into place. One half did give a little, clamped them back up and the fit was fine, tight but could be rotated by hand. Problem was that extra bit of give left me with a 3mm gap.

IMG_7848

Double bugger and a new set of seals required.

Oh well, on with the setting of the crank on the mains.

IMG_7845

Lovely new shells in place. Lowered the crank into position and added the centre main cap (as this has the thrust bearings in and I wanted to check end float). As soon as I got beyond finger tight on the bolts the crank locked up. I needed a breaker bar to shift it – not good.

I spent the next two hours faffing around shells out and cleaned, old thrusts tried, the remaining bearing caps fitted loosely, every time the crank locked up.

Something isnt right.

The crank mic’d up as 20 tho under standard (as it should, having been ground) the shells mic at 10 tho each over the originals (matches the crank) maybe the mains have been ground a little eccentric. That I cant check though. So, strip it all down again, pack up in the Landy and back to the machine shop so they can figure out whats wrong.

The crank was as free as a bird, pre regrind, something much have happened during the grinding. I’ll report back when they’ve done the investigation and can shed some light on the problem….

Meanwhile, its back to the brakes, oh and order some more….

e type rope seal

🙂

We’re off again….

There’s been something of a hiatus on Lady Marilyn its been the best part of a year since I made any meaningful progress. Obi-wan Preston-Ladd asked how things were going and I had to admit they weren’t. He then proceeded to tell me of his latest Challenger adventure and my enthusiasm crawled out from the rock it had been hiding under and decided to make its presence felt.

I needed a list. So here it is.

  1. properly fit the new column (kindly donated by Anthony Terence Jones)
  2. Fit the new main dash panel
  3. buy and fit the pedal box.
  4. Rebuild the engine (this just gets one entry on the list)
  5. New brake pipes and fuel lines
  6. Make the engine fit
  7. Replace / remake the internal panels
  8. Full Re-wire
  9. Fit the screen properly.

That’s the starter for 9.

These things always start with shopping. A flurry of activity saw me locate a new Pedal box (top mounted) send the block for honeing, purchase various known bits for the engine rebuild.

The column was a five minute job, but I needed a new boss for the wheel, remember the old one with the screw in it?

IMG_4763

I am still undecided where the wheel will end up in relation to the seat and pedals, so I went for a cheap boss in the first instance, just to have something to use as a datum.

steering wheel boss

Heres the new boss, cheap as chips and will allow me to get all the relative dims sorted.  Now, study the picture carefully, are there any other uses of this boss that spring to mind? No? Well when the paypal invoice came it, its from “Sexual Healing” Christ know swhat they were healing with that….

sexual healing

Jag owners are a strange bunch….

Back to relative normality, next I trial fitted the dash panel, I lined this up with the glove box which hasn’t been off but It left a gap between the dash top and screen. Taking the gap away left the rec-counter hitting the column bracket. Then I realised the screen wasn’t correctly installed, and needed new seals. Plus Jerry advised that this sometimes happens and a piece of seal can be added to the dash top to cover smallish gaps.

I refit later and it started to look better…

 

Meanwhile the the retarded world of brakes, I removed the old brake and clutch master cylinders. For reasons know only to fully paid up members of “Exit” the original twin circuit had been replaced with a single circuit system. This was unnecessarily dangerous and look shite too.

master cyl

A couple of bolts later the assembly was on the bench and I could marvel at its fully glory…

What a piece of shit.

Next came the top mounted OBP pedal box. Out of the box  and straight into a problem. There is a 25mm x 25mm box all the way around the end of the footwell. If I spaced the pedal box back 25mm the master cylinders would be poking out of the endplate and be impossible to seal, If I dropped the pedal box down 25mm to sit under the rail then the master cylinder fouled a chassis member. Bugger.

Only one thing for it, go for a floor mounted pedal box (which is available with the 25 x 25 cut out) and bang the top mounted one on Ebay. So that’s what I did. I few days later the top mounted version sold for what I paid for it and went to a chap building a 6R4 replica. The floor mounted version turned up and tits lovely. Everyone’s a winner.

The new pedal box is here and spot on. Mounting holes drilled just waiting for a 38mm hole saw.  You really cant beat a hole saw, it’ll make it worse.

Meanwhile the block was back from the machine shop, bores nicely honed and with the added advantage of having gone through their parts washer.

Its such a heavy block lifting gear was required before I could get it out of the borrowed works van.

e type block

but a little while later it was on the engine stand again.

The Rope seals are the next job…. Yes, you heard, its the…..

e type rope seal

In preparation the two rope seals are soaking in engine oil, soon their time will come….

Meanwhile a couple of minor jobs, painting the head in the correct Harvest Gold, specially mixed for me by HMG paints, and looking very dapper it is too.

e type head

The Mahle pistons have turned up, they’ll get fitted after the….

e type rope seal

More in a few days when the “you know what” gets done.

e type s1 ots

 

OMG

The thing about old cars is someone’s always got a tale to tell, well so it happened one day at the office. I got into a conversation about an old MG that had been parked up with a petrol leak and then forgotten.

Now for a word of advice, any sentence that starts with “I could take a look at….” is going to end in an experience similar to trapping your knob in your fly, in so much as you have to ask “how am I going to get out of this”

Not heeding my own advice I sailed headlong into the sea of good intention with “I could take a look at that” Little did I know that voyage would end up marooned on the island of “for fucks sake”, but that’s later in the take.

The MG was slowly dissolving in a rural barn, I turned up full of the optimism of a 5 minute job followed by the glow of victory and the adulation of all concerned. Initially, like these projects often do, the MG played along. The fault had been diagnosed, by others, as a leaking fuel tank. I took that at face value and ordered a new one from Midland Sports and Classic Ltd (http://www.mgpartsuk.co.uk/store/) via ebay (seller beckerman06) and it duly arrived.

Armed with the new tank I went to meet the old girl. First thought, “thats a new tank poking out from the rear valance” and so it was. It turns out the leak was just the carb balance pipe. Sheepishly I asked if I could return the tank that was now surplus to requirements… Absolutely no problem and I got a full refund – cant say fairer than that.

A quick replacement of the carb balance pipe plus a battery recharge and she’s up and running. Nothing seized, most of the car working, it even drove…..

mgb-gt-barn-find

Whats more it drove lovely. Suddenly I was back in the early 80’s, that unmistakable exhaust note between shifts, the cosyness of the cabin and the near masturbatory flick of the overdrive switch

OMG

This hazy afterglow of 10 minutes work, like the pied piper, lead me dancing into my next offer, let me MOT it for you I said.

“If you’re sure? ”

“Absolutely!”

So, off I set to take the beloved MG home before taking it to a local test station. When I say taking it home, lets say nearly home. Nearly home before it started to be a 7o’s MG again. Coughing and farting its way along the road before finally coughing to an asthmatic stop.

OMG became MGF, (actually FMG – but doesn’t fit the model line up) this icon of British motoring became the little green twat in an instant.

Now we need to consult The Gospel according to StPetrol. In the beginning there was dark, then God asked Joseph Lucas to shed some light, and there was light. However, by the end of the second day all the electrics were shagged so God created the sun and sent Lucas to work with British Leyland – or something like that.

It seemed the ghost of Lucas past had returned to the MG….

mgb-gt-broken-down

I called my brother for a tow, he was suitably concerned by my plight and, when he stopped laughing, he agreed to meet me in his Land Rover. What I didn’t know was my dad had chosen that exact time to visit, as had his eldest son. A little while later the Land Rover full of hyenas arrived and laughing round two began. All very funny….NOT.

What they didn’t bring was a rope, or tools. So this wasn’t so much a rescue mission as the evenings entertainment. What a set of Bastards.

In an effort to break up the relentless piss taking I tried to start the car again and it burst into life, so, like something from a Le-Mans start, I hurled myself inside and floored it. In a roundabout way I made it home.

Next was the MOT, but before then a bit of a history lesson. The MG had belonged to a chap who had sadly died. His daughter had decided to renovate the car and taken it to Snowden’s of Harrogate. Mr Snowden relieved her of around £18,000 to restore the mechanical’s of the car. £18,000. Sorry I need to say that again, £18-fucking-thousand

The price when new (in 1978) was £3,897 and the value now? £3,000 (Max).

This was not going to end up with a glow of victory so much as a shower of shit, but it was too late to go back now.

The coughing and farting was diagnosed as a points issue and this was quickly rectified. The MG was alive again. It passed the MOT like a pub in dry January and “all” I had to do was sell it.

I went to a local specialist, nice chap, helpful but his price was £1,000. I was going to get lynched for this. Unperturbed I went to the Colosseum that is ebay and threw myself in with the Gladiators, Tigers and fucktards that populate the site.

mgb-gt-for-sale

I got the usual questions, well I say questions, here’s an example:-

mi5edb:

How much u looking for cash. When did not last get one

Clearly master Yoda was interested in my car,  to answer his question, I am looking for cash a lot, I’m always looking for cash, in fact I am the stereotypical cash hunter. As for the second bit “not” still hasn’t got one, as far as I am aware. Though to be fair I don’t actually know who not is.

After more of the same, the bidding continued until at last the auction was over and Brian of Tarth, actually  brianoftarth, bought the car. Well I say bought it, actually he didn’t. Mysteriously Brian the fuckwit lost the ability to type, but more than that he lost the ability to pay for the bloody car he bought. brianoftarth you’re a twat.

So, after Brian disappeared I waited until after Christmas and relisted the MGB GT.

This time there were nice people who were interested, asked reasonable questions and could type words in actual English – what joy. This time the auction ended with a sale to a really nice chap who wants to keep and restore the car further. Plus it sold for more than Brian of Twatt, so this little story seemed to be drawing to a close.

New owner turned out to be an exceptionally nice chap. He travelled far and brought the gift of cash money. Looked around the car, started her up, and all seemed good. She was left ticking over whilst we did the paperwork and then off they went on their mammoth first journey to take the car home. Mammoth in so much as a couple of hundred yards later the MG expired….

Much tinkering later it still wasn’t having any of it so I took new owner back to the train station from whence they came and paid a visit to the pit of despair… It seemed like all the world to be a points or condenser issue again. So a full electronic ignition system was ordered for the nice people at Powerspark ( http://www.simonbbc.com/ ). The parts turned up and in a jiffy the new system was installed and the car was running well again. Just to be safe I checked the compression, which was fine, and then the tappets (given that the rough running happened when the car was warm) I found a tight exhaust tappet and reset it.

To add a belt to the braces that were the new ignition system, I dispatched the car to by favourite mechanic. The mad Irishman looked it over, took it for a long test ride and pronounced that “derrr’s fook all rang wid it” this I took to be a good sign and the new owner took yet another long train ride to gods county.

This time the old MG made it all the way to the petrol station, received a tank full of Morrisons finest and merrily set off on the mammoth journey home.

Turns out that on this occasion, it made 20 miles before “derrrs fook all rang wid it” became just plain “fooked”. I knew nothing of this until a text later that evening to say that the MG had performed flawlessly on the back of an AA truck for most of the journey, having died 20 miles into it.

There are two lessons to learn from this.

The nostalgia of old classic British sports cars is matched only by the time it takes to fix them.

There are still some thoroughly decent people in the world, one of them bought the MG

In many ways it was good to have an MG in my life, however in more important ways is better to say good bye. I hope it becomes the car its should always have been and wish the new owner well.

So the MG chapter is over, thank fuck for that!

 

 

 

 

 

Finding Never-ever Land

A winter hack joined the fleet. I was taken by a sudden urge to buy a PanEuropean, which is odd as I only ever rode one once, back when I was 20 (ish). The Pan was a new model then and I was browsing one of the local bike shops, in Harrogate, deciding what I would by if I had any actual money… The shop owner had another bike shop in York and needed some paperwork taking there. Would I like to test ride the new Honda, a test ride that would end up at the York shop? Sure thing!

Now in those days I was all about max revs, max noise and maximum accidents. The wasn’t a hedge in the immediate ares I hadn’t visited and I was getting good at it.  So I hopped on the Pan and thrashed it to death all the way to York.

The Pan isn’t a sports bike, it weighs precisely a shit ton and torque is its secret weapon, not high RPM. I took it back and said it was shit. I’ll never, ever have something like that, I said….

The years have rolled on and I’ve come to enjoy vehicles for what they are, not specifically crotch rockets. The XR is way too full of newness for the salt infested winter months and I fancied something different. If I could have found a cheap Goldwing I’ve have been there like a flash (much to the amusement of my riding buddies) but a Pan? Why not, quick ebay – which is the correct way to gauge the price of anything – revealed they are as cheap as chips.

Next check out known faults, this is where the internet is at it worst. Google any medical condition you think you may have and the diagnosis is almost certainly that you’ll be dead before you’ve finished reading the article. So it is with cars and bikes, check out Aprillia’s “triangle of doom”, Ducati’s knackered clutches, KTM’s – well everything and then theres BMW, crap dealers, unreliable bikes – I mean I only got 70,000 miles before the tail lamp packed in…. etc.

Go what about the Pan, rusting swinging arms, alternators, fork seals and radiators rusting. All items exposed to the elements and at the same time hidden from view by lots of bodywork. so, not cleaned that well then? Still, I was mindful of potential disasters at the cheap end of the market and didn’t want to acquire anybodies basket case . Pan’s with circa 70K miles are all around, then one caught my eye. 140,000 miles, now its got to be something to own a bike with that kind of mileage, even better it had been owned by an enthusiast of anorak proportions. Better yet it had once belonged to plod as an under cover surveillance machine. It was the James Bond of bikes, how ever bad it was it was worth bragging rights down the pub.

The owner-cum-restorer had You-Tubed some video of the work he’d done, and boy had he done some work.

It was an Ebay auction and I was away when it ended, but I got a friend to bid for me and I was soon the owner of a Pocket money Pan.

Here she is, waiting for me in Morecambe

img_7186

Quick jaunt home and all was well, in fact, other than the heated grips don’t work (now replaced with new ones) shes been a cracker and 1000 cold and salt laden miles later she’s not missed a beat.

There is a lot to be said for a winter hack that just needs riding and pressure washing every now and then.

Never say never! I got one in the end….

 

 

Third time lucky

So, in the two wheeled arm of the fleet there have been some comings and goings. The most convoluted story is that of Wolfie… Here goes…

Herman came along because the Ducati was just too sports bike for my aging frame. Yes, I was Carl Fogarty round the twisties though the Yorkshire dales,

carl-fogarty

excepting the whinging of course, but even a short bit of town riding left me more like Barry Sheene  – the post Daytona version, not wold champion.

barry-sheene-hospital

If a road trip even smelled like there might be some slow work, I’d reach for the excuse handbook to find a reason to politely decline a ride out. Its amazing how quickly you run out of reasonable excuses and stretching believablity just a little each time, it wasn’t long before being “drafted to Vietnam” was the only unused excuse in the book, yeh right was the response, ah, rumbled, better come up with something here…. “Vietnam is….. the local Asian restaurant, actually,  and….. I have been asked to replace the old door, which was a bit… er…drafty”

Enough of this nonsense, the Ducati is a thing of beauty, but a thing of torture if you’re in traffic.Nothing, but nothing, compares to the beauty of a Ducati 996 though, and I just couldn’t part with her, so it had to be ‘as well as’ not ‘instead of’, I mean just look at it…

ducati-996

 

So, I bought Herman, the R1200GS, as well as mot instead of, and riding became a joy again, regardless of where and when. All good then? well, not exactly….

Hermans sizable 12oocc engine was first designed by DaVinci (possibly) and constant evolution had managed to to extract a heady 96 BHP and as everyone knows that equals precisely not enough. It didn’t take long to get used to the riding position and the grip levels from the dual surface tyres, which inevitably leads to a need for more go. Thrashing a GS to the edge of its operating envelope is like riding a torsion bar. Full noise twists the frame to such an extent that a clutched gear change feels like ringing out a flannel. Lovely bike, needs to be quicker.

Enter the XR… The BMW S1000XR has a 16% smaller engine but produces 66% more power, a whopping 160 BHP… It still retains the GS riding position, more or less, so it seemed on paper like the bike for me. I casually arranged a test ride (the proper term is to bullshit a test ride as I had no intention of a purchase at that point) and I turned up at Allen Jefferies, the Leeds BMW dealer for a try out.

Now I’m not one for txt speak by OMFG….. A mile into the test ride I was hooked, an hour into it I was enslaved. Had to have one and have it NOW.

and so it was that I returned from the test ride, opened my wallet and parted with a considerable amount of wonga for a 9 month old S1000XR with just 2000 miles on the clock.

s1000xr

Paradise…

First run out was exploratory, but still faster than I’d ever been on the GS. Felix and KC came along too and a great time was had by all.

1000xr-ride

As we headed back I started to feel a grinding vibration through the pegs and seat. Fairly sure it was just a chain that needed adjusting I gave it no more thought. It wasn’t the chain though, I didn’t know what it was, it was that itch you cant scratch, that fly in the bedroom that buzzes when you’re trying to sleep, that indeterminate insect that’s eaten its way into your scalp and is trying to burrow its way to your brain (that last one might be made up, a bit).

Eventually I gave in and headed back to Jefferies for some investigation work – that’s the great thing about warranty, let some other twat sort it out.

But sort it out they didn’t. I rode off on the loaner, a R1200RS, something I just don’t get the point of. I mean its not fast, same engine as the GS but not as comfortable, not pretty, not especially good at anything (that I could find) why would you buy one?

 

bmwr1200rs

Any how, the XR came back, unfixed, but at least they accepted it wasn’t right.

There is something that says when a new bike is repaired then it isn’t new anymore, someones had their spanners on it and somehow the newness escaped. Jefferies response was unexpected, best thing is to swap yours for another one they said. That got me thinking, I was already smitten with the bike so why not upgrade to a brand spanker, I mean for a couple of thousand I could have a virgin, untouched by anyone else, my one and only. Yes, that was the thing to do, after all I’d never bought a brand new motorcycle before, loads of cars but never a bike. Enter the next problem….

I had a biking holiday in the Pyrenees booked for three weeks time, but that should be OK, surely? Er no, there were no stock bikes available in my spec anywhere in the UK it would have to be a factory order and there was a delay at BMW as they were switching to the next model year specification. Bugger.

Here came the next Jefferies  home run, we’ll lend you another bike for your holiday… Hang on a minute, did I enter a parallel universe?  All dealers are bastards and you have to fight tooth an nail for everything you get, surely? So I asked again and the answer was “we have another used bike, your spec, similar mileage, just serviced and with new tyres. We’ll register it in your name and you can use it for your holiday, when you get back you new one will be on its way.

And that’s what they did. Here is S1000XR number 2….

xr-number-2

new-s1000xr

So, up we packed and off we went. 2000 miles on the best roads in Europe, from the bay of Biscay over countless Col’s to the Mediterranean and back via Andorra, the wonderful N260 and yet more of the best  passes the mountains had to offer.

 

Home again, a set of tyres later, and third time lucky, my wonderful, brilliant and epically quick S1000XR was ready to meet her first owner. She is a cracker too.

All good things to those who wait!

 

And that’s the Story of Wolfie, the third and final BMW S1000XR and the latest addition to the fleet.

 

 

 

 

Time for some housework

Not housework in the generally accepted meaning, no feather dusters here, more about rationalising the fleet. There are now too many vehicles to have a button each and it therefore seems like a good idea to group the bikes into one thread. There has been quite a bit of bike activity of late, much of it intertwined so that helps too…. Lets see how it goes.

On your marks, get set, wait…..

Its been such a long time since I updated progress on Lady Marilyn you’d be forgiven for thinking I’d given up. Absolutely not the case, just taking a bit of a breather and sorting other stuff out. Poo has gone, Herman has arrived (and new toys just HAVE to be played with – it’s the Law) plus I’ve been working for a living too – and work has been manic….

So, when we left the story the venerable lump was out and mounted on its engine stand, the head was off, the studs were all loose and everything was going well…

I took the head to W. Drake in Bradford (http://www.wdrake.co.uk/)  for pressure testing and cleaning. Just a quick job, or so I thought. As is always the way with testing, it revealed the need for more work. The head was leaking from the core plugs, the guides needed replacing, the seats could do with updating too and… and…and…. So I took the easy (but not cheap) route and told them to fully fettle it for me.

Drakes are very good but like, Ward Engineering, you couldn’t accuse them of being quick. To be fair I hadn’t been in the zone to do much during that time and no harm was done. Then 4 months later, like the second coming, the phone rang to tell me my head had finally arrived in the dispatch bay. Was I ready for it? Was I bloody hell!

 

E Type Jaguar head 2

 

E Type Jaguar head

And so the head was duly collected. Sadly Drakes don’t do the gold paint required for the head so once again I turned to the internet for guidance.

What’s the best way to walk from the kitchen to the stairs? If you follow the internet’s advice you’d leave by the backdoor, walk to Droitwich before hailing a cab to the train station heading for Seaton Sluice (real place), taking the bus to the front door and right there you’ll find the stairs.

This is how it was when I tried to track the paint down, about a million web pages later I’d arrived at HMG paints (https://www.hmgpaint.com/) who do a decent approximation to Jaguars Harvest Gold (the generally accepted shade used on the later S1 E Type heads). At least they had an outlet a couple of miles from work and I could happily collect said material in my lunchtime. So that was done and another part accumulated.

Meanwhile, back to the block and time to see what’s happening down below.

I span the engine over on the stand and whipped off the sump. To be fair there were no nasties floating around in there, but a ton of sludge had accumulated. A simple degrease was all that was needed.

 

E Type Jaguar sump

I put the sump back on, masked the top end and cleaned up the block ready for a fresh coat of paint. Probably the wrong sequence this, but it made me feel like I’d made more progress than I actually had….

IMG_6034

During the rebuild hiatus I tried to convince myself I was still doing meaningful work by accumulating all the bits for the rebuild, timing chains, tensioners, gaskets, seals and new head studs were waiting for the head to come back, and waiting, and waiting and so on…

Time to play catch up, uncover the block and take a peek at the bottom end and once again all looked pretty good.

E Type Jaguar  crank 1

From what I could see of the cylinders they were all pretty good.

I pulled the big ends out and they looked good. In many ways that’s the worst thing that could have happened. If they’d been worn it would have been a black and white crank grind, but they were fine.

Interestingly it appears the shells came from Gustav Graves Diamond mine in Iceland…

IMG_6457

Next, pull the mains. Here there was wear, so the decision became easy – off to the grinders after all.

E Type Jaguar main bearing shell

So, strip off the oil pump and pipework, remove the big ends and pull the pistons before taking off the mains and lifting the crank out

E Type Jaguar crank

E Type Jaguar block

IMG_6499

Next pull the oil pump drive and cam chain pulley

and off to the grinders it goes, along with the fly wheel which needs skimming too.

I’d bought a bore gauge to check the wear on the cylinders to decide if a re-bore was also on the cards. Neat bit of kit, checked its calibration at a friend of mines climate controlled measuring room (all very posh – but useful too) and it was bob-on.

Assemble the necessary configuration of collars and pin and we’re ready to go.

IMG_6507

Happily the bores show very little wear

IMG_6506

The base line measurement at the bottom of the bore was 0.05mm, maximum measured wear was 0.04mm, well within the 0.15 specification. Finally something that doesn’t need doing and isn’t anywhere close enough to “do it anyway” logic.

Now I can get into the oil ways and have everything spic and span for when the crank comes home.

Until next time, once again its….

thats all folks

Bye, bye, baby….

Well its been a while since I’ve posted on here and much has happened, Herman has joined the fleet and, sadly, Poo has now left…

Poo managed a measly 700 miles between MOT’s in the last year, living under her cover in storage just wasn’t a fitting tribute to the car that had brought so much joy to me and my Daughters. So, with a heavy heart, it was time to send her to a new home – somewhere she would be loved and looked after.

IMG_6355

The MOT history says it all…. In my defence there are a lot of vehicles in the fleet and only so many hours in a day. Plus I have the inconvenience of a job to go to in order to maintain them all…

A new MOT was the first step and she flew though that, as normal, with just an advisory on headlights, so I bought some new ones and fitted them. The usual issue with fitting new lights in an Elise is that the mounting brackets tend to fall off when you try. Poo, though, was playing nicely and they headlights were changed without issue.

 

This was followed with a damned good clean and voila,

Poo was ready to hit the classifieds. I’ve tried ebay before and there’s nothing more than a barrage of idiot questions, including but not limited to, will you take a shoe in part exchange, what’s you buy it now price (needs to be under a tenner), what colour is the blue Elise etc…

 

So, I tried SELOC, the lotus club website and within a couple of days a nice man from Holland emailed (whilst having a schmoke and a pancake no doubt) with some reasonable questions which were duly answered and an offer came back. I decided to take the offer and we arranged to meet at the Ferry port in Newcastle – which was oddly fitting as it was the ferry port in Belfast where I bought her originally.

The money was already in my bank, so handover was an easy enough affair and off went Poo to the wild blue yonder.

In summary, I’d had poo for around 7 years, done around 10,000 miles and sold her for £2K more than I bought her for. If only all cars were like that.

Bye, bye Poo, we had a great time together….

 

Herman Invades

This section starts with an admission…. I’m getting old!

The Ducati, beautiful though she is as well as fast and sweet handling, leaves me needing traction after a run of a couple of hundered miles. As a result I was riding less and less as all the readily accessible suitable fast roads have been ridden again, again and again.

Then, my friend Felix came to be with an admission tat was tantamount to coming out of the closet. He’d bought a GS. Granted it was the junior, feminine, low fat variety, but a GS none the less. Open season, it was no longer a point of ridicule – well at least after I’d finished ridiculing him – and a GS could be owned by me too…

I took him to the wilds above Whitby to collect his dismally underpowered, fake, GS lookalike… but even then, a plan was forming….

IMG_5397

I began the search for a GS of my own, but I wanted the full fat 1200 version. There were lots around, most with 35-50K miles (not an issue as the GS is good for north of 100,000) but they all looked a bit, well, tired. All the front engine cases were suffering the normal BMW corrosion and I wanted something more…

I spotted an add on UKGSers.com, one owner, 22K miles, full history 2005 R1200GS. The pictures looked mint and it had been properly looked after. I borrowed the spare works van and headed off to Kent. Why do I always find the best machinery bloody miles away from Yorkshire? I mean Poo (The Elise) came from Belfast, The Duke came from Rochester, Smelly the KDX came from Cardiff and Lady Marilyn came from south of Gatwick….

Anyhow, set off we did and one bright Saturday morning we arrived down the smoke (again). Herman was waiting and my god he looked good. Nothing really to say, low mileage, used only for touring and complete with a set of luggage. The chap had bought it new from BMW Mafair and cosseted him ever since.A deal was done and Herman loaded into the van for the long journey home.

 

Well, I say home, Herman didn’t have an MOT so I decided to take him to work and MOT him from there, so thats what I did.

 

Herman flew though his MOT and it was time to hit the road.

When I bought the Duke, the seller told me not to ride with my friends for a while until I’d got used to riding a Ducati, which was very different to the Jap fours I’d been used to. That’s what I did and it paid off in spades. The Duke was so different that it took a while to be able to ride instinctively without finding myself in the wrong gear or at the wrong speed or braking too early etc. Its the same with Herman, very different to the Duke and massively different to four cylinder engines. The engine braking is huge and the tendency to rock left and right when blipping between changes, rather than forward and backwards, takes some getting used to.

That said it wasn’t long before I enjoyed the riding experience and, even more so, the ability to ride slowly without pain. This opened up a lot more roads and destinations….

The speed has picked up too, once I learned how to keep Herman on line I’ve got considerably quicker – yes he’ll never be a sports bike, but he can surprise a fair few of the would be MotoGP wanabees….

I suspect there will be much more from Herman, but it doesn’t bode well for the Duke, shsssss, don’t tell her….